Really? The other day I read that feedback only works when it hurts.
That’s interesting. What do I think about it?
Someone is sticking to the principle that there are two kinds of motivation: “towards” and “away from”. True enough, only……
So, let’s look at how we deal with dogs.
There is the principle of positive reinforcement. That is, I respond only, and lovingly when my canine companion does what I want. The rest I ignore.
Since he likes to get affection, he does more of it, and less of what I ignore.
But now if I want to get an aggressive, biting dog, I work with pain and punishment…..
When I work as a supervisor and inflict pain on someone on the team to get them to do the desired action, it works great. In the short term. And as long as I don’t turn my back on that person. And they may have a knife in their hand……
Or, the example of the wonderful Vera F. Birkenbihl. In the parking lot at night. The company is perhaps far from the nearest town. It is raining cats and dogs. My car won’t start. It is 11 p.m. Who I’m sure won’t stop to help me? Three guesses.
And much worse. They say you have to be able to handle pain. Sure. Part of everyday life. So, after I hurt this employee good and proper, I mean it well of course and it’s for her benefit, she goes home. And who does she take her bad feelings out on, who? Exactly. Stress and frustration are enormously contagious. And then on whom do the children and the partner take out their stress again…. just…
And of course, the boss means well, does it for the good of the company. But maybe she is also a little bit psychopathic? And narcissistic? Or a little borderline? Ruthless empathy-free characters are quite desirable in certain boss positions. And it’s just kind of fun to show it to the others.
And it takes a lot more effort to figure out how to positively motivate an employee.
It takes the ability to empathize.
It takes good communication skills.
It takes patience.
And maybe, oh horror, love skills.
In my experience, to the best of my knowledge, if someone thinks feedback has to hurt to be useful, that just says something about poorly developed humanity and leadership. Or well-developed malignancy?
Consider this. If karma existed, and everything came back to us. What might their next lives look like? And don’t hope that by then you’ll be tough enough to just put away constant bad treatment. On the contrary……
Who do you want to be now?
And what about later?
Think about it carefully…